Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Word of the Week

Here's an oldie but goodie vocabulary wordie.  It's a fantastic, yet practical, highly expressive word.

falderal:[fal-duh-ral] , noun  mere nonsense; foolish talk or ideas.  My oldest daughter is the queen of falderal.

"I've had enough of this falderal!  Clean your room!"
The best part of this word is the multitude of colorful synonyms:

absurdity, baloney, bunk, craziness, garbage, gibberish, horse feathers, lunacy, nonsense, stupidity, twaddle.

Try this one on for size:

Knowing it was total horse feathers, the girl told the merchant she really didn't like chocolate.


She decided to forgo the dishes just this once; it was such twaddle.

Monday, May 30, 2011

A Memorial

My Grandpa Jack just passed away on Saturday night.  I'm really happy for him...he's in heaven, he went without pain...but I'm sad for myself.  I wish my children could have known him for a longer time.

He was the kindest and gentlest person I have ever known.  He never said much, but you always felt that he was interested in you as a person.  When I think of what it means to be Christ-like, I think of my Grandpa.  He was calm but sincere in his faith.  It was real to him, and that's how he shared it.  He prayed for me every day, and that's really saying something considering how many grandchildren he had.  He loved me.  He cared for me.  He wanted what was best for me.  He never had to preach or yell, but his message was clear.  God is love.  I could see it through him.

I'll always remember a lot of funny and cute things about him...his dislike of vegetables, his slicked-back hair, his navy blue suit, his fascination with diesel engines.  I'll always remember how he would sit with my daughter and read to her for so long and listen to the childish things she had to say; he would treat what she said like it was important. It didn't matter how silly it was, he loved her for who she was, just like Christ loves us.  When I think of him, I'll always think of these words--calmness, kindness, gentleness, love.  He was one of the heroes of my life.

Friday, May 27, 2011


A modern abstract Mommy poem

by Hannah, Editor-in-chief

I need to make a to-do list right now
    or I'll never remember all of these things.

That bird is huge up there in the tree
    and it has red stripes on it's wings.

The baby needs to be fed some table food
    and I really hope she doesn't put her hands in her hair.

Why does chocolate make you fat?
    Really, it is seriously not fair.

It's not fair, it's not right,
    "You two, I better not hear you fight!".

Oh, good, pork loin is on sale again this week
     Why do some say "Crick" and others say "Creek"?

I'm tired and I'd like some coffee.
    I don't have time to do all this laundry.

Today is Monday, so we need all the dirty towels.
    I'm so glad that she finally learned those vowels.

"Reading is fun, isn't it, Dear?".
    I better remember to give the pork a good sear

Before I put it in the oven to roast.
    "Did you say that you want toast...

Or did you say you want a muffin?"
    I need to exercise more.  I'm really huffin'

And puffin' as I walk from child to child.
    Wasn't that story about the dogs completely wild?

It reminds me a little of a Jack London or something
    What was it that I was supposed to bring

To the meeting at her house tonight?
    Oh, these new LED lighbulbs aren't nearly as bright.

"You should ask her to stop, not hit her with your fist."
    Now, where was I?  Oh, yes...the to-do list.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Thoughts on Glamour...

Here's a quote that's perfectly logical, said by her ------->

Hedy Lamarr
"Any girl can look glamorous.  All you have to do is stand still and look stupid."

Awesome.  If I didn't have so many kids to chase, I'd look glamorous all the time.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Quirky History: President Theodore Roosevelt

Do you know who this is?  It's one of my favorite quirky historical figures.  He was a God-fearing, moral, almost arrogant, overachieving political genius.  The amazing thing about him?  He really tried to live what he preached.  He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, yet was the champion of the common worker.  He was sickly and weak through his childhood years, yet is known as one of the brawniest, rough riding-est, boxing cowboys ever.  I sometimes secretly wonder if he was really a cartoon character.  If he liked something, he'd say "Bully!".  If he was happy, he'd say, "dee-lighted!".  He had a crazy zest for life.  Here are my top ten favorite Theodore Roosevelt anecdotes:

10. People made fun of him for his enormous incisors.

9.  He would read a magazine page, then when he was finished, he'd tear it off, crumple it, and throw it on the floor.  He did that through every magazine he read, then would pick them all up and throw them in the trash.

8.  He ran for office the last time as head of the Bull Moose Party.  Who could do that in politics today?

7.  His mother and first wife died on the same day.  He disappeared into the uncivilized Dakota Territory and became a rancher for years to escape his grief.  He could never bear to speak of his first wife again.

6.  He was a naturalist.  He always had animals in his pockets growing up and would draw pictures of them.   He also loved hunting.  He shot a lion in Africa.

5.  He had a squeaky, old womanish voice that people made fun of.

4.  He hated the nickname Teddy.  No one would dare call him that to his face.

3. He loved the exploits of his roudy boys.  They would bring all kinds of animals into the White House and scare public officials and he thought it was great.  Sometimes he'd excuse himself from meetings to go wrestle with his sons for a few minutes.

2. His second wife, Edith, was his neighbor.  She was shy and introverted and had loved him for as long as she could remember.  She stayed true to him even when he married another and grieved her passing.  She raised his daughter as her own child.

1. When he was police commissioner of New York City, he would go undercover to check up on his subordinates.  He'd wear outlandish poor man costumes to disguise his identity, then make sure the laws were being enforced the way people would claim they were.
They say truth is stranger than fiction.  You couldn't make up a life like that...no one would believe you.

****Editor's Note: For more reading on Theodore Roosevelt, try this book:

The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt by Edmund Morris
Photos courtesy of Wikipedia

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Word of the Week: Ebonics edition

In honor of my husband's roots, I've decided to occasionally include some vernacular vocabulary.  This will be helpful for me next time we go visit my in-laws, or for any of you next time you vacation in lovely Detroit.

Here are some helpful ebonics Mommy words and phrases I was able to find:

don't be trippin' - Do not be anxious, don't worry
keepin' it real - keeping things in perspective to reality
shortiez - children
livin' it large - living a prosperous life
chicken head - ugly woman
pigeon - ugly woman
Crib/Krib - house
Check yo' self - Watch what you say or watch what you are doing.
You all up in my grill - You're in my face / You're in my space / You're too close to me, etc.
Eat cake / Be gone - Get lost
check dis yo- pay attention

Here is an example of how you could use this every day:

Check dis yo.  I wuz livin' it large yestaday, when I got to ma krib.  When I came in da do, da shortiez wuz all over.  I sez, "Check yo'self! You all up in my grill! Eat Cake!"  I wasn't a pigeon before da shortiez.  Just keepin' it real.  When dey be gone, I won't be no chicken head no mo.  So don't be trippin'.

****Editor's note:  Information provided by the African American Vernacular Society via my favorite dictionary website.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Treacherous Waters, Part 6

Jeffrey entered the boxing ring with his usual strut.  His boxing workout days were a time to get exercise and relax, and of course, to impress whatever women were around.  Today Barbara was along to spar.  She had much on her mind, unlike Jeffrey who typically had not much of anything in his mind.  They put in their mouth guards and began.  Jeffrey wasn't usually much of a chatterbox, but for some reason sparring brought every idle thought out of his mouth.  He began by giving her the update on his favorite hockey team.  Barbara was less than thrilled to hear the details of last night's power play, but used the opportunity to get a few good hits to his head.  Jeffrey didn't mind.  There was no way his little sister could really hurt him, right?  He moved on to baseball.  He recounted every RBI.  She got him with a great uppercut.  He changed his subject matter to the real source of his concern.

Shaking his head a little, he began again. "Barbie, how much longer are you going to be doing this pig male thing with Heathcliff?  He's getting even creepier."  She began to answer, but he kept going.  "It seems like every day he is asking me all kinds of weird things...your favorite flowers, your favorite books, what kind of seafood you like...as if I know.  Then he gives me this stupid 'I don't approve of you' look!".  He trailed off, trying to get a hit to her body, but she avoided him.  Then he remembered more, "You will not believe what he has been doing during lunch.  The last few weeks, every day, when he finishes the same old sandwich and pickle, just when I'm used to hearing him click away on his computer again and settle down for another afternoon of quiet work, I hear this latin music through the cubicle wall.  I peeked over the other day, and I swear he had a rose in his mouth and he was shimmying around like I don't know what."

"Ah, yes, he's really been working hard on his salsa form.  We're starting tango soon, too.  He's going to be quite the dancer for some girl soon."  she panted.  It was not the vision of Heathcliff's shimmy, but the constant hoppy footwork which got her going.  She began to laugh through her exhaustion.  "Do you know how ridiculous he looked the first time we went there?  With his oil-slick hair and buffed shoes...I didn't think he had a rhythmic bone in his body!  Look at him now, though!  Did you know he wants to audition for the Latin Dance-Off in the fall?".

Jeffrey did not know.  Jeffrey did not care.  He was tired of hearing Barbara speak of his geeky coworker with admiration.  There was a sneaking suspicion that she was actually starting to enjoy herself, and that unforgiveable.  It didn't matter that he was the cause of this new fascination.  What if she were to fall for this guy?  The thought of him watching football with his family at Thanksgiving was unbearable.  He didn't even know what a quarterback was!  What had he done?  Who could have predicted that Heathcliff of all people would transform himself into exactly what any woman wanted?  Maybe he would have to start taking lessons from Heath!  He snorted a little at the idea.  Barbara took it as over-confidence and jabbed him with fervor.  If there was anything she hated, it was cockiness.  Her emotional hitting did no damage, but laid her open to a solid hit to the left temple.  She stumbled and fell to the ring floor.  Jeffrey wasn't alarmed, he knew how tough she really was.  He sat next to her and gave her his hand to pull up to a sitting position.

"That was a good one, Jeff.  I better be done for today.  I'm spent." Barbara removed her protective helmet.  She imagined what Heathcliff would look like as a boxer.  No, that was too bizarre.  The floors here were too dirty for his taste.  He'd probably fight for his life just to avoid having to touch them.  She looked up to see Jeffrey watching her.  He usually reserved that intense stare only for playoffs and steaks.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

He didn't think, just blurted, "Are you falling for Heathcliff?".

"Me?"  as if the idea had never occured to her.

"Yes.  You spend all your time with him and all you talk about are the wonderful things he does.  Are you still seeing the same guy I'm seeing?"  Jeffrey was becoming impassioned.

"No.  He is changed."  Her tenderness was frightening to him.  She noticed his discomfort and tried one of his own moves, "I've done an awesome job, haven't I?  Any girl would be lucky to get him now that I'm done remodeling."

Still worried, "So you are done, then?".

"Well, almost.  I have just one more thing in mind.  Besides, his marriage timeline date is coming up.  I guess I'll have to let loose of him sooner or later."  She looked away.  She was entering treacherous waters.  How could she let him loose?  What would she do with her time?  She thought of her old life watching romances and reading Jane Austen novels without enthusiasm.

Jeffrey had seen a tough brunette saunter in.  He was suddenly too diverted even to wonder what the last thing was that she would change about him.  Barbara sighed and walked away as Jeffrey agreed to spar with the brunette.  She showered and changed.  As she was leaving she glanced back just in time to see the tough girl knock the collywobbles out of Jeffrey.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

It's Not Raining!

It's a bewitchingly lovely, sunny day.  The sun is making dew-sparkles glitter in the freshly clipped grass.  A cool breeze is whispering through my hair.  If I could, I'd lay on the grass and read the day away, getting a rosy, cheeky tan (or possibly burn).  It's too lovely to be cleaning.  It's an outside, enjoy- God's Earth-day for me and mine.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Fetch, Mommy, Fetch

by Hannah

My daughter has a game for me
It really fills her heart with glee.

My sweet little one is just beguiling
And I love to keep her fat cheeks smiling.

So I find a toy that she'll adore.
She promptly throws it on the floor.

Her face does smile, her hands do shake,
I'm sure that it was a big mistake.

I get the toy for the one I adore
Again she throws it on the floor.

I know really it cannot be
That this sweet one would torment me.

The fetching done, the toy retrieved
Her happy face has me deceived.

She wiggles and shakes, cute cheeks so red
As she throws the toy right past my head.

Bewitching child, now I know
How consistently you will throw.

Your smiley cheeks are just a lie
I stop retrieveing, and now you cry.

Sitting there just isn't the same
As this fun and fetching Mommy game.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Grandpa Is Ashamed

Ogden Nash doesn't know what he's talking about.  This should be called "Mother is Ashamed."

Grandpa is Ashamed

A child need not be very clever
To learn that "Later, dear" means "Never."

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Word of the Week

Here's a word I picked up in college.  Truth be told, I have a love-hate relationship with gobbledegook, for I enjoy using big words.  Apparently that's frowned on in official writings...kind of like overusing and misusing...elipses...so anyway...  Here at Crazy Creative, however, feel free to use as much as you can handle...it's good for our vocabularies to have to look up words.  I personally believe this word would have been right at home in "Jabberwocky."  Come on, Lewis Carroll, use your imagination!  Try to teach this one to your kids.  It's sounds even more fun in a toddler vocabulary.

Gobbledegook:  [gob-uhl-dee-gook]
language characterized by circumlocution and jargon, usually hard to understand
Used in a sentence:
"Mommy, Scott was being mean and calling me all kinds of gobbledegook instead of going to sleep like you told him to and theng he he he..."  (sentence cut short for sake of space and sanity).
Being a wise new bride, I immersed myself in college football gobbledegook in order to communicate with my husband more effectively during the fall and winter.
****Editor's note: According to my dictionary, a fun and appropriate synonym of gobbledegook is mumbo jumbo.   Now that's a synonym with some real possibilities!

Monday, May 16, 2011

All New...Health and Fitness Section

Every good magazine has a great health and fitness highlight, right?  Crazy Creative is no different! Well, let's face it, I guess it is different, but it can still include the usual topical lineups.  Now, where to start...

Health and fitness...

Health and fitness...

Feeling fit, feeling healthy...

Uh, yeah, drawing a blank here.  Let's go back to our writing roots.

 If I were a vegetable, what would I be? 

Hmmm...a cucumber--thick-skinned with little substance inside?  No, or at least hope not.  How about a tomato (I know it's not really a vegetable, but work with me here!)...plump and seedy.  Let's avoid anything plump.  Lettuce...frilly and a little dirty?  Yikes...the more I think about it, I'd like to be...

an onion.

Onions are a vegetable you can't do without.  It adds flavor to almost everything, and when you slice through the delicate externals, there are layers and layers of goodness.  And sometimes they make you cry...but in a good way...you know all the wonderfulness in store for you.  I'm an onion.

Celebrate fitness and health by reflecting what veggie represents you and why...if you reply, I'll just die...of happiness.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Treacherous Waters, Part 5

His stomach was really churning this time.  He glanced at his watch...5:57...three more minutes.  Heathcliff stood meekly outside Barbara's door, thinking through the events of his last visit.  He had worked so hard to achieve an optimal sample date, yet when he spoke with Barbara on the telephone, she hadn't seemed at all pleased.  Now he knew why she had been writing in that notepad the entire time.  She had obviously taken notes on his faults.  While he admired her administrative acumen, he had just assumed she was jotting subpoints to a list of weekly priorities or something.  It stung him to recall her comments.  She had even critiqued his hair.  He wasn't even initially sure what "like Alfalfa" meant, so he had checked out 'Little Rascals' from the library to clarify.  It was embarrasing.  It frustrated him, too, that she hadn't mentioned it during the trial date, so he could have checked the copy out when they were there for the book discussion he had planned.  How much time had he been forced to waste returning to the library the next day?  He checked the time again...5:59...one more minute.

Suddenly, the door swung open and Barbara peered up at him.  He was disturbed.  It wasn't time yet and he hadn't even had the chance to knock.

"Hello Heathcliff,"  she smiled.  "Are you ready to go?".

He stiffened slightly.  This was uncomfortable.  "I'd like to be ready, buy I've had no time to prepare.  You haven't informed me of tonight's activities and...".

She held up a hand and interrupted, "I explained this on the phone.  You've got to be a little less organized about romance.  I've planned some of the evening myself, and for the rest, we're going to be a little bit spontaneous."  Poor man, he looked really miserable.  She softened, "Heath, it will be fun, just trust me, okay?".  She smiled up at him, and despite his discomfort, he found himself smiling back.  It would be all right.  After all, he was sure Jeffrey would have told her any pertinent health or schedule information that could cause problems.  He would meander out of his comfort zone, just this once.

They walked down the hallway and out to his car.  He had reread his telephone conference notes just before his arrival. He seated Barbara mechanically and walked to his own door.  He sat, he buckled, he started the car, he paused.  He had no idea where to go!  Barbara watched him in amusement.  She could almost see the listing of his perplexed emotions popping up over his forehead.  She stifled a giggle and looked away.

"Heathcliff, our first stop will be my flower shop on the corner of Oak and Vine.  You can take this road here to Oak, then turn left.  It's only a few blocks from there."  He automatically obeyed.  For what purpose could they be going there?  A sudden thought.  He was supposed to initiate conversation.  He slowly commented, "I had no idea you owned your own flower shop."

She replied, "Oh yes, I do.  Of course, what your date does for a living would be a much better place to start a conversation than your life plan subpoints."


"You're doing better, Heath.  Keep trying to make conversation, just keep the gravity out of your statements.  Try stating something about your emotions."

"Okay, um, I feel that you must have a lot of deductible expenses to claim in your line of work."

She smirked.  "Actually, this one will be your deduction.  You're buying me the flowers of my choice, and I'll even give you a receipt."   How thoughtful of her.  This was, however, a small stab of her hurt feelings at play.  Barbara had taken on this venture out of the goodness of her heart, or well, the goodness of Jeffrey's heart.  For Heathcliff to be so unfriendly and business-like about their "arrangement" made her feel a little ridiculous.  She also wasn't the type of woman who was used to getting a check and receipt from a man at the end of a date. 

She had decided afterward to make this next lesson as ridiculously out of Heathcliff's normal realm of activity as she could think up.  Her plans after the flower shop included a quick meal at a bawdy barbecue joint, a stop at a nearby Italian Ice stand, which featured over 85 flavors, and last but not least, a ballroom dancing lesson...which ended several minutes after his designated return time.  The evening did not disappoint.  His second best blue conservative suit was soiled with honey barbecue sauce, it took him a full 17 minutes to process and evaluate all the icy options, and as for the salsa lesson...let us just say that the end of the week would find Heathcliff in front of his television in his pajamas working up a sweat. 

Defeat did not sit well with Heathcliff.  He took this outing as a direct challenge.  It was now his mission to shock Barbara with the realization that he could beat her at her own game.  There were advantages to being an organizational mastermind.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Humid Uggghh Days

It's a muggy, sticky sort of day.  It's a day when I want to disregard my to-do list and lay prostrate under the ceiling fan, dreaming of ice cream.  For the little people in the house, it's a different sort of day.  The sun is blazing, heating the tops of their small heads, reddening their still chubby cheeks, making them sweaty and smelly as they gallop around the yard.  Cara is a princess, gardener, best friend to dandelions.  They sing and commune while the steamy air is almost visible.  Scott is a baseball player, power athlete, run-till-you-drop little champion.  The sweat is dripping down his scarlet face.  Play on, little sweet ones!  Time will come when you will want to stay inside in all weather.  Play, dance, run; I won't even mind getting a sticky hug when your frolic with nature is done.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

A Quote to think about...

"Housework can't kill you.  But why take a chance?"

Phyllis Diller (whoever that is)

Right on, Phyllis.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Word of the Week, Man Phrase Edition

***Editor's Note:  Let's admit it, there are times when we need to define what men are saying, because we just don't get it.  Take special notice, brides-to-be.  Here's a helpful phrase that is used quite often around here.  Brush up on the meaning, and you can use it too! 

"He's a beast!": A phrase men use meaning, "That man is a very valuable athlete."  It can also be used to compliment each other, "You're a beast!" after accomplishing something notable.  This is only used from man to man, and is never appreciated among women.  A usage such as, "Her gown and veil are so beautiful.  She's a beast!" is generally not well received.

Use this phrase to impress the man in your life next time you see ESPN.  I guarantee it will get his attention.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Treacherous Waters, Part 4

Heathcliff had cleaned his car inside and out before picking up Barbara.  He wanted to make a good impression on his instructor.  His hair was freshly slicked, he wore his best conservative blue suit, and he had consumed three Altoids to deter any breath issues.  He couldn't imagine what could go wrong.

Barbara had decided that the best way to help was for Heathcliff to treat this first 'class' as a real date, just to get an idea of what she was working with.  A professional she was not, but she was fairly certain that, after an evening with Heathcliff she would instinctively know what he needed to change.  And so it was that Heathcliff sauntered to her apartment door at precisely 5:59 pm and stood in the hallway, waiting to knock on the door until his freshly calibrated watch turned over to 6:00.  His nerves started to get at him a little.  He reminded himself that this was not unlike the clients who came to him every day for advice.  It was a business arrangement, nothing more.  Hadn't he just printed out a suggested payment schedule one hour and four minutes ago? 

It was time.  His knock was immediately answered by Barbara; he smiled.  Promptness was a trait he always expected.  It was nice to not feel disappointed in her already. 

Barbara returned his smile with one of her own.  "Hello, Heathcliff.  It's good to see you again.  Are you ready for a fun night?".

Heathcliff was always ready.  In his eagerness to show his effective social skills, he retrieved the itinerary from his breast pocket.  "Why, yes, Barbara, I am.  Let us go through the evening's activities now, so you will be prepared.  It will take eleven minutes to drive to Applebee's, giving us a dining time of one hour and thirty minutes before we will need to leave for the special activity I have planned, as you suggested through Jeffrey.  It will last one complete hour.  I then have planned a quick dessert excursion which, with the driving time included, should bring us back to your apartment at 9:00 pm at which time I shall return home."

Barbara's eyes had glazed during this speech, despite Heathcliff vigorously pointing to each bullet on his printed itinerary as he mentioned them.  It was going to be a long night.  She pulled out her small floral memo pad, and jotted down her first of many notes.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Sniff Sniff...

It's not fair.  This can't be happening.

My baby is four tomorrow.

No, no Mommy!

I'm scared.  He used to be so little and helpless.  He used to be sniffy and wimpy, just like a baby should be.
Now he's tough and handsome.
Just like his Daddy.

I can't believe it.  All you Moms of cute little guys, take care.  Before long, he'll turn four.  Next thing I know,
he'll be fourteen.  Sniff, sniff, sniff...

But no matter if you're four or fourteen or forty, you'll always be
My Baby.

Happy Birthday, Little Guy!!!


Friday, May 6, 2011

Tableau at Twilight

You never fully get this poem until you're a parent, I think.  It is all so strangely familiar.  Ogden, you speak to my heart!

Tableau at Twilight

I sit in the dusk.  I am all alone.
Enter a child and an ice-cream cone.

A parent is easily beguiled
By sight of this coniferous child.

The friendly embers warmer gleam,
The cone begins to drip ice cream.

Cones are composed of many a vitamin.
My lap is not the place to bitamin.

Although my raiment is not chinchilla,
I flinch to see it become vanilla.

Coniferous child, when vanilla melts
I'd rather see it somewhere else.

Exit child with remains of cone.
I sit in the dusk.  I am all alone.

Muttering spells like an angry Druid.
Alone, in the dusk, with the cleaning fluid.

***Coniferous child***, that just gets me!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

To My Hubby

Just when I think I know how much you really mean to me, I realize that you mean even more.

Squeaks and Giggles

Have you heard a baby laugh lately?  Mine just did.  Nothing brings joy to your heart quite like a mini belly laugh coming from your sweet one.  It's what makes all the diapers worthwhile.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Treacherous Waters, Part 3

"So let me get this straight," Barbara said, "You want me to find someone for that weird guy to marry?".

Jeffrey approached the countertop at which his sister was working.  "No, no, I don't need you to find him a wife, I just need help making him...well...normal enough for...".

"...for a woman to not run away screaming?"  Barbara snipped at the rose stems automatically. 

"That's a little on the mean side, isn't it Barbie?" 

Barbara paused, "Well, no, not really.  Keep in mind that I've actually met this guy before.  He's not a bad man, I know, but he is so strange and formal and...just weird."

Jeffrey pulled a stem from the cloud of baby's breath near him.  He knew his sister.  She was feeling bad for calling Heathcliff names, a sign that it was time to go in for the kill and get her commitment to help.  "Yes, poor guy, I know what you mean.  I just feel so bad for him." That was a stretch.  "I mean, if you had just heard the way he spoke of having a family to call his own.  He's really very lonely." Also a stretch.  Now time to pull the trigger.  "I just kept thinking the whole time, if it were me..." Making himself tear up just a little, he continued, "If it were me, all alone in the city, without mother or sister to turn to, lonely, uncertain, with only the best of intentions, I sure would wish that someone would be able to find a few minutes," he paused here, looking toward the window, letting the sunlight shine on his upturned face. "Just a little time to help change my life...and help me to be happy forever."  In his dramatic fervor, the flower had been snapped in half and lay now in Jeffrey's clenched, tear-dampened fist.  It was quite a performance.  Worse actors than Jeffrey grace the red carpets on a regular basis.

Barbara eyed him suspiciously.  She had the sneaking feeling that he was trying to manipulate her, for after all, she knew her brother and his lack of imaginatory zeal.  However, his words had stirred a feeling of mild regret for her harsh opinion of Heathcliff.  And so it was, out of regret, kindness, a cautious helpfulness, and perhaps even a little curiosity, she assented.

"I guess he'll just be my own little 'Pygmalian' project," the practical Barbara hypothesized aloud.

Jeffrey, happy with his maneuvering, was leaving.  "Come on, Barbie.  Just go out with him a couple times and teach him some manners.  There's no reason to call him a pig!" he shouted from the vomitorium.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

It's Vocabulary Day...

Here is our new vocabulary word for this week.  Do your best to casually insert it into your conversations this week.  Our feature word for the week is...

collywobbles: [kol-ee-wob-bulz] n. severe gastroenteritis characterized by vomiting and diarrhea.

So next time your home is struck with the flu, use this helpful word.

Use it in a sentence thus:

"I can't believe I had to pay $25 just for Dr. Martin to tell me it was collywobbles!"

  If collywobble-like symptoms persist, consult your physician immediately.

Good Luck!

Monday, May 2, 2011

A Bloggy Hubby

From a bloggy hubby to his obsessee...

"Just one more hit won't hurt you."

Hmmm...methinks it's time to enroll in Bloggers Anonymous...both of you.  Just say no!

It's Monday

It's that time of the week again.  The house is dirty, the children are tired, the sun isn't shining.  When I really stop to think, I can immediately identify about twenty-five things I should be doing right now.  Let's avoid that 'stopping to think' thing.  My hat is off to you, productive peoples.  Manfully motivate your path through Monday morning.  As for me, I'm going to drink coffee and pretend it isn't happening.